Along Came Newt

Newt Gingrich spokesman Rick Tyler writes

But out of the billowing smoke and dust of tweets and trivia emerged Gingrich, once again ready to lead those who won’t be intimated by the political elite and are ready to take on the challenges America faces.

Along Came Newt
(with sincerest apologies to Jerry Leiber, Mike Stoller, and the members of the Coasters)

I plopped down in my easy chair and turned on Channel 3
A bad gunslinger called Bawdy Bill was chasin’ our free country
He trapped her up on Capital Hill and said with an evil laugh,
“If you don’t give me all of your cash
I’ll saw you all in half!”
And then he grabbed her (and then)
He taxed her up (and then)
He turned up the welfare state (and then, and then…!)

[Chorus:]
And then along came Newt
Plump, rolly Newt
Bomb-throwin’ Newt
Fast-talkin’ Newt
Along came small, mean, cranky Newt.

Commercial came on, so I got up to get myself a snack
You should’ve seen what was goin’ on by the time that I got back
Down in the old revenue lines, the people was havin’ fits
Bad Barack said, “Give me the money you got
And we’ll see how sharia fits!”
And then he grabbed us (and then)
He tied us up (and then)
He took away our health-care rights (and then, and then…!)

[Chorus]
I got so bugged I turned it off and turned on another show
But there was the same old shoot-’em-up and the same old rodeo
Barack was tryin’ to stuff our cash in a burlap sack
He said, “If you don’t let me tax you to death
I’m gonna throw you on the railroad tracks!”
And then he grabbed us (and then)
He tied us up (and then)
He threw us on the railroad tracks (and then)
A train started comin’ (and then, and then…!)

[Chorus]

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